Welcome to the Grand Delusion…that is modern life.

I do not profess to be a therapist, preacher or politician. I’m just a human being who has seen a lot of garbage, personally and professionally, during the almost 5 decades I’ve been a resident on this planet we all call home.

Now that the obligatory disclaimer has been typed we can move on…

Some of the things I have seen, heard and been personally subjected to range from outright abuse to reaffirming joy. I have been shown that some people can and will do the right thing but, I also know that there are many people that have no intention of ever getting along, letting bygones be bygones or accepting that not everyone out there wants to be just like them. It’s a fact. We all aren’t the same but we ALL have the ability to not take it personally when “friend” 1,089 on Facebook espouses different political, religious or even socially based beliefs from us. This goes for every other random person you may encounter in life as well.

It isn’t a personal affront to you when Billy or Susie, each of whom having a mind of their own just like you, decide to go down a different path of thinking. How exactly does this personally harm you? Are they coming into your home and demanding that you believe the way they do? And, if you say that they are just because they post it online and you happen to have your computer on then welcome to the wild, wild world of self-imposed Butt-Hurt. Billy and Susie can’t magically turn your computer on in your own home, you have control over that. They also can’t force you to read what they have to say, you have fingers that can click “unfollow” at any time or even “unfriend” or “delete” which is amazing freedom right?

Now, I do ask though, what is so bad about hearing opposing ideas and beliefs? I have always been a firm believer in the adage that in order to be well informed one must be able to view an issue from all sides…not just our own. Everything, even a plain old piece of paper, has more than one side. You may think your side is prettier and the best darn side ever but there will always be someone that prefers the opposite and…that’s okay….it won’t kill you…because it’s just an idea or belief that resides within the heart and mind of the possessor.

But, and I was ready for this one, what if that belief is taken out of the internal realm and action is added? Bad action like physical, catastrophic violence? This has been happening for thousands of years and most recently in Orlando. While I wish I had a definite answer for how to stop this immediately I do not and the only people that can say when enough is enough are the ones advocating violence in order to force their point(s) of view. Logic would dictate that “enough” is when they are absolutely in control and this could also mean when everyone is forced to state they agree with a particular mandate, law or edict, even when they don’t, out of fear of imprisonment, personal injury or death. This is happening now and has been happening for as long as I, my grandparents or great-grandparents have been here and on and on up the family tree to infinity. It isn’t new news.

This opinion piece is not intended to validate one side over another it is merely a stream of consciousness by which I choose to release my thoughts, ask a few questions and get some ideas from those different from me. Because, after all, how are we ever supposed to exist together if we don’t even know just a little bit about one another? I do want to stress that I have no patience for nastiness and response baiting trolls so argue away in the comments section if you like but I will not respond. I will however put you in my next work of fiction and make you do things that would cause your real-life head to explode so be warned. How do you think writers get material after all?
So, what DO we really know about one another? I know that I am not you and you aren’t me and quite frankly I think that is a great place to start. My thoughts, beliefs and ideas belong to me and were originally shaped by personal experiences gathered along my life’s path. Are they rigid in nature? Some are and some are not. I will give you an example:

Flexible:  My ability to consider different points of view. I may not know I can agree or disagree until I am provided with the proper evidence for why I should or shouldn’t agree. 

Rigid: My belief that I should not be shouted down, spoken to with disrespect or harmed simply because of my gender, age, race, sexual orientation or personal ideology.

On that last point I have received some flak from those who feel I should simply stay quiet and do as controlling powers in the Middle Ages (and earlier) dictated but ya know what? That didn’t fly with everyone then and it still doesn’t so I will simply take it for what it is; a weak attempt to control with no real power behind it. Because, we all know that just because someone yells louder than everyone else it doesn’t mean that their message makes any sense or should be followed. It’s just noise and the great thing about noise is that if it’s ignored long enough it just becomes a background hum that we leave in the dust while continuing to move forward.

Now, to address what makes people follow. That one is simple! One of two things, fear or allegiance and sometimes those two become intertwined. Some people fear that the things they love the most will be taken from them. I won’t say what those “things” could be because I am wise enough to know that many, many people already have a long scroll of things they can drop right into the slot so have at it! But, the one thing no one has been mentioning, publicly anyway, is apathy. We can’t change the world, some say, so why bother? And, in that same vein, if we never change light bulbs that have blown out then we will always be in the dark. People stumble and fall in the dark just like they stumble and fall over misinformation and bias in broad daylight. Change is the best policy when falling down the stairs or a well of tabloid babble is the alternative. Get the facts, get all sides and get a new light bulb!

In this current atmosphere of mistrust and blatant hate, and it really isn’t anything other than that so let’s not try to paint it up and put nice clothes on it, we can only continue BEING. That may sound all wishy-washy but hear me out. If fear is allowed to keep people from being themselves then who wins? Sure, for the time being those who hide are keep safe but eventually the hate that was allowed in begins to build and fester. And, when we stop being ourselves, paranoia sets in, over-reactions occur and the sickness of division spreads. Who do you work for? What is your purpose here?  When did we all become so miserable and unfree???? Fear did that to us and we allowed it to happen and the sellers of hate were counting on it. They probably even had odds set on some event wager line in Las Vegas. Bravo assholes!

What do we do now?  I’m only one person but will continue saying this over and over until someone else hears it and passes it on, “Stop letting the sellers of fear win!” We are better than this America. Kindness isn’t weakness and here is a novel thought, how about we start by being kind to one another, see how THAT goes and then spread it out to like-minded countries around us? A WHOLE national functions better than a divided one and, better yet, a UNIFIED but respectful of differences type nation scares the hell out of those that wish to control us. “Damn! These Americans finally have their shit together and can’t be scared into lashing out at one another to the point of being so broken down that we can just swoop in and take all their stuff!” Life is pretty simple after all….and it is WE who choose to make it hard. Choose better, choose wiser and in the end nothing else matters.

© 2016-2017 Laura A. Askew, All Rights Reserved

As a gentle reminder: People who steal the creative property 
of  others deserve to be kicked in the tingly bits by a pissed off 
writer well versed in street fighting. 

In plain English: Don't steal my stuff!

Shall we get this party going for reals?

I once wrote weekly on diamondsindasky.com. It was fun but it wasn't my own website and at times I felt I was more of an indulgent bookmark, so to speak, just keeping the spot marked until something better came along for the originator of said website.

And, that happened. People move on. That's cool. But, I was stuck and stayed stuck for over a year and didn't really write anything after the plug was pulled on my one man writing show on someone else's website.

A very important person in my life put it all into sharp perspective by asking recently, "Isn't it time to make your dream a reality?"  It is. And, here we go...

Are You a Psycho Magnet?

Have you ever had the feeling that you attract people who just ain't quite right? People that appear uniformly human on the outside but within possess a soul as black as midnight and intentions best suited to those of a serial killer? Sometimes they aren't as dark and are only a tad tweaked, spouting off about radio waves infiltrating their heads and the need to keep the tinfoil hat on even in the shower but what is it that makes them come our way in the first place? Why do they stagger straight toward certain types of people and avoid others outright? ‘Tis a mystery I tells ya!

Nah, not really. The world’s oddballs and assorted knuckle dragging miscreants roam around searching for easy targets to either take advantage of or simply just grab so they can have someone to listen to their wild ramblings. The sky talkers, hypnotic staring, under-the-breath mumblers all have the same thing in common: they have a point to make that is very important even if you can’t grasp it. Let me clarify here, there is a vast difference between harmless eccentrics and sociopaths and while I am using an all-encompassing term like “psycho” we do need to be clear that I’m focusing mainly on the people who just randomly walk up and start talking to or yelling at anyone and everyone. This action either makes people laugh or it makes them horribly uncomfortable but, there are still those that draw this population towards them like a Kardashian to self-aggrandizing product endorsement deals. Must. Stay. Relevant.

 

When I was about 12 or 13 I remember first noticing unwanted comments from older men and while I just thought they were pigs I also saw that they didn't do this to every girl my age…just the ones they thought would let them get away with it. The ones too shocked or scared to voice displeasure but I spoke up loudly, very loudly and soon it stopped. Even years down the road I use this moment in time as a marker for when I became less cheerful with and more wary of strangers. Trust erodes quickly after people first start being dicks to one another but it was also around this time that I became aware of the more “unusual” quirks of human nature that surrounded me. It wasn't just the loud-mouths or the perverts it was also the mentally handicapped, the chemical and substance dependent, the chip-on-shoulder-must-make-everyone-pay crowd and the people who live in a constant state of denial about the “issues” they carry around that spill over onto innocent bystanders. Get a grip on that garbage people! It’s no one else’s responsibility to carry it for you so recognize that pronto.

The flame that draws psychos towards your magnetic personality usually starts out with an uncomfortable first experience like I described above and then it’s fanned by the “why me?” questions we ask directly afterwards. When self-doubt creeps in it leaves a brick in the door so it can come and go as it pleases, wreaking havoc, while also letting in a few friends. If doubt can be created within the minds of formerly secure people THEY will come! It’s like a silent alarm that signals the okay to board your ship, wipe their dirty hands on your once pristine sail and leave muddy tracks all over your poop deck. Ya bloody bilge sucking blaggards! Once they establish a presence it feels as if being a psycho whisperer is now your calling but honestly, it isn't and no one should take on this job because they can survive just fine without you. Trust me, they can and do and will with little difficulty.

Don't go deeper! Keep the door shut!

My cast of characters over the years went from about a 20 page chronological list to now, a post-it note with my favorite players’ names written in glitter ink. Some, you just don’t want to part with because their eccentric ways add joy to your life but the rest I tossed to the winds years ago and hopefully will never see them or their kind again unless it’s due to a cough medicine induced, Inception style, dream-hallucination. In that case I may be the one messing with their heads, telling them to “go deeper” while I pick their pockets and dump their sleeping bodies in a ditch along a dirt road next to a trailer park. Imagine Billy Bob and his drooling hound standing over you, pokin’ stick in one hand and a Natty in the other. Can’t you hear the banjos? Would I really do that? Indeed, I would, because pay-back is due and I always clean up loose ends. Who’s the psycho now? Hmm…interesting turn of events.

So, anyway, this is what we have here: Kind people with big hearts attract bizarre folk just as well as insecure people do. The only difference is that the more insecure you become the less quaint the “bizarreness” is because the more disturbing subjects move forward in line faster. Weird is good, weird is fun but being intentionally cruel or emotionally and psychologically scary just isn't and no one should reserve time in their lives for that. I don’t allow it anymore so why should you?

© 2012-2013 Laura A. Askew, All Rights Reserved

As a gentle reminder: People who steal the creative property of others deserve to be kicked in the tingly bits by a pissed off writer well versed in street fighting. In plain English: Don't steal my stuff!

It's Time To Change...

You have no idea how long I have been waiting to write this! An eternity, a long, lovely time since I wore flowy retro hippie skirts or baggy cut-off denim overalls with one strap hanging loose and wrists full of hemp bracelets while sitting around the hacky sack circle. No, I’m not talking about the 60’s, I’m speaking of that twilight time between 1988 and 1994 when formerly materialist Gen Xers decided to get all trippy, waxing poetic with peace or ankh signs hanging from ears and necks and the cloying scent of patchouli mixed with Chloe or Giorgio Red. It was like a small corner of MTV and Madison Avenue fell into an acid trip in which the crappy things in life just didn't matter anymore. And, life does some crappy things to you with “fashion” being one of the most cringe worthy at times but honestly, I enjoyed this time a lot because it brought me the closest to not giving a shit than I've ever been until right here, right now. If anyone gets that last reference and can message me with the correct answer I will mail you this:

Well, not this one exactly but something like it that doesn't smell like  bong water....

Most people come to terms with their childhood sooner or later, the embarrassing pictures and stories but teenage years and early twenties are harder to grasp because we both loathe them and long for them in the same breath. Take them or leave them but either way they define us the most and write the story of who we really are with the sharpest clarity. It’s the ugly truth of angst that motivates people to reject or embrace the path they need to be on in life in order to succeed or fail; this is everyone’s turning point. Go or stay, live or die, crash and burn or pull up and soar! These are the days (another reference there) in which we learn to bask in the glory of true impending freedom or we get stuck in the mud of confusion and woe is me gloom. When it’s time to change we know it but what if the costume you picked out and tried on isn't for a role you want to keep playing? The short answer is this: Take it off! There will always be someone waiting to pick it up so pass it along and search for your one true fit in this giant garage sale called Life.

Hanging out with dreamers, also called “losers” by those afraid to shed their own ill-chosen costumes of societal pigeonhole backlogging, became my wish back then and now, that desire is back. I like people who smile even when rain is pouring down and I adore those that brush off criticism like a mere crumb on their peasant blouse. No worries. Life ain't no big thing once you stop over thinking and just keep on rolling. Love one another and mind your own shit because stepping in others isn't cool man. Not cool at all. Is it naive to think I can get this back? I don’t think so and my conviction to change becomes that much stronger because the way I have been living so far has been nothing more than a means to an end…the ultimate end…like spinning over and over, unfulfilled, until my breath just stops. Who wants that?

I want to love AND live, not just one or the other and in order to love the life I’m living I have to change because nothing is truly sustainable without adjustment and adaptation yet, so many are afraid of such a benign word like “change.” I’m not entirely sure why but can guess that it involves a fear of being honest about what they really want and admitting that certain career or educational paths just can’t lead them there. We all fear because that is what prompts us to take missteps and it’s also how we learn so embrace the dreams, the dreamers and their ability to let go and just live. Now, everything else will just fall into place once you pull the stick of rigid expectations out of your ass and then the real party can start. When life is hard, you have to change. Come on, let’s dance shall we? It’s my jam!


© 2012-2013 Laura A. Askew, All Rights Reserved

As a gentle reminder: People who steal the creative property of others deserve to be kicked in the tingly bits by a pissed off writer well versed in street fighting. In plain English: Don't steal my stuff!

A New Year of Good Intentions: That You Really Should Follow Through With!

Everyone tries to get by on their good intentions and I’m no different from anyone else. I mean well, just like all the other people that say, “At least I have goals!” For many years I intended to work out more, I intended to find a job I truly enjoyed rather than endured, I intended to finally tell off the people that have really irritated my gentle sensibilities over the years but, here we are, 2013 and all I have to show for it are the IOU’s I wrote to myself in the form of…good intentions. Cash those damn things in woman! Yes, I can hear people yelling that as they read.

I have no good reason for not working out more because when I did go to the gym a lot, about four years ago, I often went twice a day, seven days a week. No joke. I used exercise as an escape because I’d rather work off my anger and disappointment than just sit at home stewing in it and, I also just didn’t want to see the person that happened to reside in the same house I did at the time. Avoidance at its best but, I got the healthy pay-off in the deal because when I did come home I wasn’t as irritated to find clothes on the floor and some lazy slob lounging with their dirty shoes propped up on the couch. It acted as a band-aid that hid the oozing sore I had been ignoring for years but the day came when I had to remove that temporary fix and, of course, I found yet another “good intention” gone awry.
I also have no good reason for why I’ve stuck with jobs that drained me emotionally and rewarded me very little monetarily other than the lame excuse, “I’m helping people so there’s that,” when asked why I stayed so long. Sure, I’ve helped multitudes of people in crisis over the years but who was helping me when I needed a boost? When I look back on the years I held human services-type positions I realize now that the only one that truly had my back was the wall and all it would have taken was one personal set-back to shove me over the same ledge I was talking other people down from. Scary, but true. And, as far as the reason why I never issued a fiery verbal assault on the toxic people in my life…well, I can only say that I tell myself I was being the BIGGER person. In reality I think I was just the biggest sucker but given the passage of time and distance I no longer care about having the last word with any of those people because in the grand scheme of things they really mean very LITTLE to me so I can easily set them aside and walk past without a single backward glance.
 

 

When are good intentions nothing more than excuses? When we continually “plan” to do something different year after year only to come to the end of your life’s road to find you truly haven’t even tried to start anything new in decades…you just TALKED about it. Talk is cheap but action is priceless yet we seem to value the “blah, blah, blah” more and put the most effort into talking big rather than actually living big. We talk about doing better for ourselves, finding that spot in the sun that really warms us inside and out and makes us smile so why can’t we muster up the willpower to go do it? I have no fixed answer for that because each person has their own reason/excuse. What are yours and why do you feel the need to hang on to them? Make this year the year we all let go and move forward for REAL.

© 2012-2013 Laura A. Askew, All Rights Reserved

As a gentle reminder: People who steal the creative property of others deserve to be kicked in the tingly bits by a pissed off writer well versed in street fighting. In plain English: Don't steal my stuff!

I’m an idea person. People with ideas fall into two categories: Organized and driven and scattered and joyfully distracted. I am the latter. Whenever someone asks me if there is more to life or if I think I should be doing something else the answer in my brain is always “yes” because I know I can and will do more. I may not have arrived at my previously planned or scheduled destination but the side trips have been amusing even when sprinkled with light showers of annoyance, self-indulgence and passive-aggressive monotony at times. As the worn saying goes: “shit happens” but I made a promise to myself long ago that even if I should occasionally step in it I’d at least take the time to stop and change my shoes so I could continue on with my adventure without having to smell the old putrid memories with each new step.

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” ~ Douglas Adams, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

Many, many fanciful thoughts, ideas, images and plans romp through my mind at any given moment. Some are plausible and others border on absurd yet, they remain tucked into the corners to be lovingly revisited at a later date. I rarely write things down aside from my “love letters” to you, dear readers because I’m more of a spontaneous creator, a “doer” who flies by the well-worn seat of her pants to destinations I have no control over but adore none the less. Those who don’t “get it” call it daydreaming nonsense or worse but I know it for what it really is: Imagination. The world lacks this in greater and greater quantities with each passing day and scoff at those who continue to turn original thoughts into reality rather than pulling from the well of the rehashed and overtly recycled. Building on a dream is my preferred method and while it may take me longer than those seeking shortcuts and “cheats” it still gets me to the place I need to be. Always. So, better late than never.

                                   "Keep trying. Eventually you will get off the ground..."

Is there more to life? It depends on what you mean by more. More money, success and fame or are we speaking on a higher, more emotional level? A lofty plane or dimensional space of deeper meaning and understanding about how life really isn’t as hard as some make it out to be? Life just IS, no degree of difficulty is intentionally added just because we breathe, no need for any additional dramatic descriptive, it just occurs whether we are sleeping or awake. It isn’t something that happens to us it’s something we make happen and when people claim, “Life is just a bitch and then you die,” could it possibly be that what’s really the bitch is that they, themselves, created the conflict but are too afraid to take responsibility so they blame life instead? It’s both scary and exhilarating to realize that we truly are the architects of our own lives and when we build with care the foundations we leave act to support future creation, innovation and imagination. When we slap things together with ideas stolen from others and the duct tape of "good enough" no foundation has been built at all, it's only an illusion.

                           

The "things" we accumulate help us hide from our inner calling whether those things are negative memories from the past or material possessions stacked up around us like a fort built on envy, guilt and debt. The walls come crashing down eventually and all we are left with is the one thing we originally came into this world with…ourselves. Yes, we could get off on another tangent, ride a whole different bus to a town that approaches the topic of “the meaning of life” in an entirely different and maybe even intentionally complicated way but when push comes to shove, that bus still goes right back to the same station each night…YOU. There is more to life: we need to live more or better yet live, period! When we see thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions of people even, just existing rather than living the question that begs to be asked is this: If life is simply about being, living, loving and taking in each daily breath like an intoxicating drink of imaginative excitement then why do we fight so hard to keep from living? What is so frightening about being real? I have an answer, do you?

© 2012 Laura A. Askew, All Rights Reserved

As a gentle reminder: People who steal the creative property of others deserve to be kicked in the tingly bits by a pissed off writer well versed in street fighting. In plain English: Don't steal my stuff!

It's hard to dance with someone that won't dance with you...

This is the time of year when I get all excited and am at the top of my creative game. I write more, I sing more, I laugh more and I just create more delight around me in general. Everyone wants a partner in crime, a yin to their yang and there ain’t nothing wrong with wanting a cool mustachioed Oates to go along with your groovy, blond hair flowing, Hall. That is the way relationships are designed to be. The “better half” is just a misnomer because when both halves are in sync and the music is rockin’ then the connection is a good one that’s built to last. Everyone wants that one person they can unwind with and feel like “yeah, that’s all right” with. Harmony at its best.
But, then there are the duds, the turds, the wet blankets, the fake laughers and the overall poop cloud people who have, “No, I don’t want to,” or “I can’t do that,” playing on a loop inside their head each time you ask them to join in on your reindeer games. What a letdown! The disappointment is palpable and after each, “No, let’s don’t but say we did,” quip you start to feel like jackin’ them in the giblets and leaving them in the dust while you go have fun. (Yes, you can giblet-jack a woman too so don’t bother asking) FUN! Life should be fun. Relationships can’t be all work and no play because after a while you’ll just have a crazy fucker chasing you around with an axe during a long, blizzardy winter jaunt playing caretaker at a deserted hotel. Come on! It’ll be fun you said! Fun like an axe in the head. Lighten up Johnny…or Jilly.

 

Here's Johnny!

Here is the thing, every Halloween for many years, I have always dressed up and really gotten into the role of Ghoul Queen. Because I love it! And, for many of those years, I was with someone who refused to share my childlike glee and attitude that even adults deserved to have fun. It wasn’t their thing and they made sure I knew it and after a while it turned into more than just that one day, it became a realization that every day, we had very little in common. I rectified that by changing up players (for more good cause than just this one example) and finally found a daring soul that was willing to jump into my hobbies and enjoyments and this in turn made me very willing to engage in activities that they enjoyed as well. To find someone agreeable to slapping white, gooey make-up all over their face so they looked “acceptably dead” and then watching them stay in character most of the evening without one complaint made my heart sing! That’s the kind of foreplay that really does wonders for a relationship and helps build positive memories that last.

So, what do you do when the person you’re coupled with doesn’t sing in the same key as you or refuses to sing or play or dance or even have any fun with you at all after a while? Well, I’m sure there are those out there that will say, “Oh, you need to be more flexible and try to understand where they’re coming from,” and “Maybe they are just having a bad day, week, month, year….LIFE.” Yeah, that’s it. I’d say SUCK IT to these people because they aren’t the ones feeling dismissed or devalued. Certainly, allowances can be made for the occasional “bad day” here and there but when a day extends throughout the duration of a relationship and it gets to the point where none of your friends even realize you’re still in a relationship anymore because you two never do anything together then it’s time to regroup, re-evaluate and possibly retreat.
 

 

Create excitement through joint experiences whether they started out as your own or not. Learn about the likes and dislikes that each partner has and make an attempt to join in because reciprocity can be a very rewarding payback. Trust me on this. Build a new experience bank that can be withdrawn from again at a later date when both want to recapture a positive moment of connection and you’ll discover that it’s a beautiful thing when two people can laugh together over shared activities. It’s how we learn and grow and it’s also how we keep from getting axed in the head. And, that isn't how we dream properly now is it?

 

 

© 2012 Laura A. Askew, All Rights Reserved

 

Reminder about stealing the creative work of another: It makes you a douche bag of the worst sort.