But, then there are the duds, the turds, the wet blankets, the fake laughers and the overall poop cloud people who have, “No, I don’t want to,” or “I can’t do that,” playing on a loop inside their head each time you ask them to join in on your reindeer games. What a letdown! The disappointment is palpable and after each, “No, let’s don’t but say we did,” quip you start to feel like jackin’ them in the giblets and leaving them in the dust while you go have fun. (Yes, you can giblet-jack a woman too so don’t bother asking) FUN! Life should be fun. Relationships can’t be all work and no play because after a while you’ll just have a crazy fucker chasing you around with an axe during a long, blizzardy winter jaunt playing caretaker at a deserted hotel. Come on! It’ll be fun you said! Fun like an axe in the head. Lighten up Johnny…or Jilly.
Here is the thing, every Halloween for many years, I have always dressed up and really gotten into the role of Ghoul Queen. Because I love it! And, for many of those years, I was with someone who refused to share my childlike glee and attitude that even adults deserved to have fun. It wasn’t their thing and they made sure I knew it and after a while it turned into more than just that one day, it became a realization that every day, we had very little in common. I rectified that by changing up players (for more good cause than just this one example) and finally found a daring soul that was willing to jump into my hobbies and enjoyments and this in turn made me very willing to engage in activities that they enjoyed as well. To find someone agreeable to slapping white, gooey make-up all over their face so they looked “acceptably dead” and then watching them stay in character most of the evening without one complaint made my heart sing! That’s the kind of foreplay that really does wonders for a relationship and helps build positive memories that last.
So, what do you do when the person you’re coupled with doesn’t sing in the same key as you or refuses to sing or play or dance or even have any fun with you at all after a while? Well, I’m sure there are those out there that will say, “Oh, you need to be more flexible and try to understand where they’re coming from,” and “Maybe they are just having a bad day, week, month, year….LIFE.” Yeah, that’s it. I’d say SUCK IT to these people because they aren’t the ones feeling dismissed or devalued. Certainly, allowances can be made for the occasional “bad day” here and there but when a day extends throughout the duration of a relationship and it gets to the point where none of your friends even realize you’re still in a relationship anymore because you two never do anything together then it’s time to regroup, re-evaluate and possibly retreat.
Create excitement through joint experiences whether they started out as your own or not. Learn about the likes and dislikes that each partner has and make an attempt to join in because reciprocity can be a very rewarding payback. Trust me on this. Build a new experience bank that can be withdrawn from again at a later date when both want to recapture a positive moment of connection and you’ll discover that it’s a beautiful thing when two people can laugh together over shared activities. It’s how we learn and grow and it’s also how we keep from getting axed in the head. And, that isn't how we dream properly now is it?
© 2012 Laura A. Askew, All Rights Reserved
Reminder about stealing the creative work of another: It makes you a douche bag of the worst sort.