Thursday, June 13, 2013

Are You a Psycho Magnet?

Have you ever had the feeling that you attract people who just ain't quite right? People that appear uniformly human on the outside but within possess a soul as black as midnight and intentions best suited to those of a serial killer? Sometimes they aren't as dark and are only a tad tweaked, spouting off about radio waves infiltrating their heads and the need to keep the tinfoil hat on even in the shower but what is it that makes them come our way in the first place? Why do they stagger straight toward certain types of people and avoid others outright? ‘Tis a mystery I tells ya!

Nah, not really. The world’s oddballs and assorted knuckle dragging miscreants roam around searching for easy targets to either take advantage of or simply just grab so they can have someone to listen to their wild ramblings. The sky talkers, hypnotic staring, under-the-breath mumblers all have the same thing in common: they have a point to make that is very important even if you can’t grasp it. Let me clarify here, there is a vast difference between harmless eccentrics and sociopaths and while I am using an all-encompassing term like “psycho” we do need to be clear that I’m focusing mainly on the people who just randomly walk up and start talking to or yelling at anyone and everyone. This action either makes people laugh or it makes them horribly uncomfortable but, there are still those that draw this population towards them like a Kardashian to self-aggrandizing product endorsement deals. Must. Stay. Relevant.

How do these things work?

When I was about 12 or 13 I remember first noticing unwanted comments from older men and while I just thought they were pigs I also saw that they didn't do this to every girl my age…just the ones they thought would let them get away with it. The ones too shocked or scared to voice displeasure but I spoke up loudly, very loudly and soon it stopped. Even years down the road I use this moment in time as a marker for when I became less cheerful with and more wary of strangers. Trust erodes quickly after people first start being dicks to one another but it was also around this time that I became aware of the more “unusual” quirks of human nature that surrounded me. It wasn't just the loud-mouths or the perverts it was also the mentally handicapped, the chemical and substance dependent, the chip-on-shoulder-must-make-everyone-pay crowd and the people who live in a constant state of denial about the “issues” they carry around that spill over onto innocent bystanders. Get a grip on that garbage people! It’s no one else’s responsibility to carry it for you so recognize that pronto.

The flame that draws psychos towards your magnetic personality usually starts out with an uncomfortable first experience like I described above and then it’s fanned by the “why me?” questions we ask directly afterwards. When self-doubt creeps in it leaves a brick in the door so it can come and go as it pleases, wreaking havoc, while also letting in a few friends. If doubt can be created within the minds of formerly secure people THEY will come! It’s like a silent alarm that signals the okay to board your ship, wipe their dirty hands on your once pristine sail and leave muddy tracks all over your poop deck. Ya bloody bilge sucking blaggards! Once they establish a presence it feels as if being a psycho whisperer is now your calling but honestly, it isn't and no one should take on this job because they can survive just fine without you. Trust me, they can and do and will with little difficulty.

Don't go deeper! Keep the door shut!
Don't go deeper! Keep the door shut!

My cast of characters over the years went from about a 20 page chronological list to now, a post-it note with my favorite players’ names written in glitter ink. Some, you just don’t want to part with because their eccentric ways add joy to your life but the rest I tossed to the winds years ago and hopefully will never see them or their kind again unless it’s due to a cough medicine induced, Inception style, dream-hallucination. In that case I may be the one messing with their heads, telling them to “go deeper” while I pick their pockets and dump their sleeping bodies in a ditch along a dirt road next to a trailer park. Imagine Billy Bob and his drooling hound standing over you, pokin’ stick in one hand and a Natty in the other. Can’t you hear the banjos? Would I really do that? Indeed, I would, because pay-back is due and I always clean up loose ends. Who’s the psycho now? Hmm…interesting turn of events.

So, anyway, this is what we have here: Kind people with big hearts attract bizarre folk just as well as insecure people do. The only difference is that the more insecure you become the less quaint the “bizarreness” is because the more disturbing subjects move forward in line faster. Weird is good, weird is fun but being intentionally cruel or emotionally and psychologically scary just isn't and no one should reserve time in their lives for that. I don’t allow it anymore so why should you?

© 2012-2013 Laura A. Askew, All Rights Reserved

As a gentle reminder: People who steal the creative property of others deserve to be kicked in the tingly bits by a pissed off writer well versed in street fighting. In plain English: Don't steal my stuff!

It's Time To Change...

You have no idea how long I have been waiting to write this! An eternity, a long, lovely time since I wore flowy retro hippie skirts or baggy cut-off denim overalls with one strap hanging loose and wrists full of hemp bracelets while sitting around the hacky sack circle. No, I’m not talking about the 60’s, I’m speaking of that twilight time between 1988 and 1994 when formerly materialist Gen Xers decided to get all trippy, waxing poetic with peace or ankh signs hanging from ears and necks and the cloying scent of patchouli mixed with Chloe or Giorgio Red. It was like a small corner of MTV and Madison Avenue fell into an acid trip in which the crappy things in life just didn't matter anymore. And, life does some crappy things to you with “fashion” being one of the most cringe worthy at times but honestly, I enjoyed this time a lot because it brought me the closest to not giving a shit than I've ever been until right here, right now. If anyone gets that last reference and can message me with the correct answer I will mail you this:

Well, not this one exactly but something like it that doesn't smell like  bong water....

Most people come to terms with their childhood sooner or later, the embarrassing pictures and stories but teenage years and early twenties are harder to grasp because we both loathe them and long for them in the same breath. Take them or leave them but either way they define us the most and write the story of who we really are with the sharpest clarity. It’s the ugly truth of angst that motivates people to reject or embrace the path they need to be on in life in order to succeed or fail; this is everyone’s turning point. Go or stay, live or die, crash and burn or pull up and soar! These are the days (another reference there) in which we learn to bask in the glory of true impending freedom or we get stuck in the mud of confusion and woe is me gloom. When it’s time to change we know it but what if the costume you picked out and tried on isn't for a role you want to keep playing? The short answer is this: Take it off! There will always be someone waiting to pick it up so pass it along and search for your one true fit in this giant garage sale called Life.

Hanging out with dreamers, also called “losers” by those afraid to shed their own ill-chosen costumes of societal pigeonhole backlogging, became my wish back then and now, that desire is back. I like people who smile even when rain is pouring down and I adore those that brush off criticism like a mere crumb on their peasant blouse. No worries. Life ain't no big thing once you stop over thinking and just keep on rolling. Love one another and mind your own shit because stepping in others isn't cool man. Not cool at all. Is it naive to think I can get this back? I don’t think so and my conviction to change becomes that much stronger because the way I have been living so far has been nothing more than a means to an end…the ultimate end…like spinning over and over, unfulfilled, until my breath just stops. Who wants that?

stuff 004

I want to love AND live, not just one or the other and in order to love the life I’m living I have to change because nothing is truly sustainable without adjustment and adaptation yet, so many are afraid of such a benign word like “change.” I’m not entirely sure why but can guess that it involves a fear of being honest about what they really want and admitting that certain career or educational paths just can’t lead them there. We all fear because that is what prompts us to take missteps and it’s also how we learn so embrace the dreams, the dreamers and their ability to let go and just live. Now, everything else will just fall into place once you pull the stick of rigid expectations out of your ass and then the real party can start. When life is hard, you have to change. Come on, let’s dance shall we? It’s my jam!

© 2012-2013 Laura A. Askew, All Rights Reserved

As a gentle reminder: People who steal the creative property of others deserve to be kicked in the tingly bits by a pissed off writer well versed in street fighting. In plain English: Don't steal my stuff!